Blending Dreams with Reality

April 25, 2010 at 10:00 pm (Uncategorized)

I am still able to distinguish my dreams from my waking life. There are occasions when I have had trouble determining whether a far-distant memory of my very young childhood is fact or fiction, but these are extremely rare. More commonly, I experience memories of the long past in a similar way to memories of dreams, without confusing one for the other. I can see how this slight blurring of perception could develop, in some very isolated, desperate minds – though they are sane – into a blurring, and eventually deletion of the boundary between their perceptions of reality and their perceptions of dreaming. Perhaps in some cases such a state does not require desperation nor true isolation, but is rather the product of a self-imposed isolation due to a perceptual difference between the mind and others. Those who are convinced of their inalienable intellectual superiority may begin to confuse thought with truth.

What is it that makes isolation the font of delusion? Other people are certainly an important check when determining which of our conclusions and perceptions are valid.

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Staying Up Late

April 21, 2010 at 9:32 pm (Uncategorized)

I have been awake for 23 hours. My arms are shaking from the shoulder as I type.

I will fix my schedule.

Yeah and with this soundtrack:
Osmos soundtrack

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This Song Makes Me Feel Like I’m Flying

April 2, 2010 at 7:05 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

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All Hallow’s Eve

October 15, 2009 at 5:14 am (Uncategorized)

Creepy.

Creepy.

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Irreproachable parenting

June 9, 2008 at 6:50 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

I am frequently struck by unease when I hear from the news that a teenager has gone off the rails. That it appears in the news means that the victim’s behaviour has the perfect scapegoat prepackaged with the story.

During my not so distant childhood, in a very distant age, the first two questions that were asked after a child went loopy were as follows:

1. Is it the child’s fault?

2. Is it the parents’ fault?

These questions are now taboo. A “victim” role has been chosen. What is left, the “villain”, must not be filled by the “victim”, for that would render the world in upsetting shades of grey.

I play a morbid game when I read about these stories: if I find the bad parenting, I win.

After telling her mother, Christina “Tina” Meier, about the increasing number of hurtful messages, the two got into an argument over the vulgar language Megan used in response to the messages and the fact that she did not log off when her mother told her to. After the argument, Meier ran upstairs to her room. She was found twenty minutes later, hanging by the neck in a closet. (quotation from Wikipedia)

It was too easy to find, but no-one seems to be able to see it. There are those who seem to question the parents, but notice that they place a point on the map where the victim lies, pick a villain and place another point, and then draw a line between the two. A parent is responsible for severing that dangerous connection.

Am I unreasonable? By grouping the following facts together, am I asking the wrong questions?

1. “Megan’s mother, who monitored her daughter’s online communications, returned home and said she was shocked at the vulgar language her own daughter was sending. She told her daughter how upset she was about it.

Megan ran upstairs, and her father, Ron, tried to tell her everything would be fine. About 20 minutes later, she was found in her bedroom. She died the next day.” (MSNBC)

2. “According to Ronald “Ron” Meier (Meier’s father) and a neighbor who had discussed the hoax with Lori Drew, the last message sent by Evans read: “The world would be a better place without you.” Investigators did not find a record of this message.” (Wikipedia)

3. “Megan’s parents are now separated and plan to divorce.” (MSNBC)

Is it so unreasonable to wonder whether perhaps the Meier girl killed herself because she felt betrayed by her mother? Adults do not seem to remember what it was like to be a teenager desperately wanting both parental approval and autonomy; I’m not sure how, as I can’t seem to forget. It is absurd that Tina Meier chose not to stand behind her child, but to scold her for something so trivial as “vulgar language”.

It’s not important that a parent supports her children, because children need a firm hand, is that right? To a teenager, overwhelmed by attacks from a stranger, hostility from her mother about something so small would be the last straw. If Megan was pushed emotionally to curse at the attacker, she felt cornered and didn’t know what else to do, especially if cursing was verboten in her house. Her mother only saw a house rule broken, and did not pause to consider why. Megan, unable to have support from the person who should support her come what may, could not take it anymore. How dare Tina Meier attack her child?

Maybe running upstairs would have been the end, if her father had not told her that everything would be okay. Everything would not be okay. How could it be okay? Not even her father understood how desperate she was. Cornered, panicky, unable to gain perspective, possibly even to teach her parents a lesson, Megan Meier hung herself.

The paranoid theory continues: why were neither the police nor the FBI able to find the message that apparently drove Megan over the edge? Did it exist? The Meiers divorced. Whether or not Megan’s death was Tina’s fault must have been an issue, for Tina certaintly feels guilty.

If this sounds ridiculous, then look between 1m40 and 2m22 of the following video.

Teenagers, sadly, commit suicide on a daily basis, but only certain deaths are made public knowledge. I shan’t here reflect upon the nature of modern news coverage to support rather than inform public opinion, motivated by profit, suffice to say that the internet is a frightening place for those who do not wish their opinions challenged, or those who wish to protect the pride of a foolish populace.

Wicked internet, what hast thou wrought? Slashdot reports that the United States is considering legislation that will make trolling a punishable offence. The very act of criticism has now been blindfolded and led shaking to the firing squad.

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Review of Ten Minute Short Story

April 13, 2008 at 11:07 am (Uncategorized)

I could not resist a dramatic ending. I never can. On a second reading, that ending was pretty awful. I’m itching to change it, but I’m not going to. I would have had to spend much more time than I had thinking over how to get the malicious nature of the calling voice across without being so bloody obvious about it, and the rules are that the story took ten minutes, not that it took ten minutes and then fifteen minutes a few days later to edit.

I have a long way to go if I want to learn how to write more quickly.

[2010 Edit: I had no idea of the existence of Heidi Montag when writing this. At all. Now when I read it I can’t get away from her. Augh! Forgive me!]

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Cansei de ser sexy

March 17, 2008 at 7:19 pm (Uncategorized)

I am cooler than you.

It’s been almost a year since I found them, since I left the music TV channel going in the Coruña flat in the middle of the day, after tapas and during coffee, when it was too hot to be outside. They’ve been a little package of smugness smugging up my playlist, and I guess it’s been long enough, so here you go.

This is a Shins song I purloined from a guy I knew Biblically a couple of years ago, to make you feel better for not being cool.

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