Edith (a snippet of unused dialogue)

March 7, 2008 at 1:04 am (Skrifa, Smáskitligr) (, )

I am behind. I have caught the flu. In cases such as these, unloved and lonely paragraphs have their chance to shine – or at least fill the void.

[We open on Edith and Amy, drinking coffee.]
Edith: So I met this guy, when I was out, you know, at the club.
Amy: Oh yeah right, at the club, okay, I told you that it would be better if you got out of the house.
[While Amy is talking, we see a club, dancers flailing, and a man zooms into view. He’s handsome; his dark-brown hair is slicked back. He looks like a 1950’s clothing model. He smiles at the camera, and puts a dark wooden pipe in his mouth. He’s wearing a dark sports jacket and pants, and a white button-down shirt, and nice shiny shoes. There’s a shuddering, as Amy changes her obviously socially-conditioned and outdated image for a more modern one. The man grows tight jeans, a stylish printed t-shirt, long wavy hair, some metrosexual shoes. He’s now holding an ipod. His smile wavers for a minute, as Amy, on second thought, removes the ipod. The entire tableau vanishes jarringly when Edith speaks again.]
Edith: Yeah well, he cheated on me.
Amy: He what?
Edith: Did you hear me? He cheated?
Amy: I heard, I heard. He what?
Edith: He cheated on me.
Amy: Yeah okay, okay, he cheated on you. With who?
Edith: It’s not with who, it’s with whom, and it was with his dog-walker.
Amy: His what?
Edith: His –
Amy: Yeah I heard you. He has to be gay.
Edith: She was rubbing down his bulldog.
Amy: That’s a disgusting image, Edith, jesus I can’t believe you’d tell me the details of the – oh.
Edith (begins speaking during the word “jesus”): He has a dog, okay, a bulldog, she’s a dog-walker, okay, she gets extra money for grooming the dogs, and they started going at it while she was rubbing down his bulldog.
Amy: So, tell me the details…
Edith: Oh for crying out, I don’t know, their eyes met over the tufts of dander gently swirling in the air.
Amy: So how long were you together?
Edith: Together?
Amy: An item.
Edith: Uh…
Amy: You weren’t, were you. You just had sex with him and that’s it, right?
Edith: Well, we…
Amy: Am I right?
Edith: No. Actually. We were an item, at least, until I told him we weren’t. You know that problem I have?
Amy: With the…?
Edith: Yeah.
Amy: (pause) You really have to see a shrink for that.
Edith: How do I even know I’m doing it? I don’t know I’m doing it, how am I supposed to fix it?
Amy: How many boyfriends, Edith?
Edith: I don’t know, I don’t remember.
Amy: How many, Edith?
Edith: Five.
Amy: Five boyfriends since Mark and a lot of things that would be at least pocket change if not a steady income and every single one you have to tell them that they’re badly equipped when you orgasm, for god’s sake you have serious problems.
Edith: He couldn’t accept it, so I had to break up with him and then he cheated on me with the dog walker. The dog walker.
Amy: What kind of floozie gets a job as a dog walker, anyway?
Edith: Well, she’s…
Amy: Blonde and big busted, and wears frosted pink lipstick and… [As Amy speaks, an image of the woman quickly forms, and flirts with the camera.]
Edith: …a Yale graduate. [The image disappears with the visual equivalent of a “poof”.] She’s all porky and frizzy-haired, but he said she talks to him about Thomas Mann.
Amy: You did your thesis on Thomas Mann.
Edith: I know, I know, but she has some sort of “real-life insight”.
Amy: On Thomas Mann. What is she, seventy years old and German?
Edith: I guess it’s the pederasty, Amy.
Amy: Hang on, I’m getting more sugar for this. It’s so bitter. [She gets up and begins to walk away, and we hear the rest of the line from off-screen.]They probably never wash out the machine and there are years of coffee swirling around in my cup.
[As soon is Amy is out of her visual range, whatever that may be, Edith’s phone rings. She places it on the table, and stirs her coffee, watching it dance around and buzz annoyingly.]


1 Comment

  1. imolta said,

    That was both entertaining and incredibly frustrating to read.

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